
Lying to loved ones about aspects of your relationship.Changing behavior to avoid setting off the abuser.Growing numb to the emotional or physical abuse, effectively normalizing it.Using mood-altering substances to cope, such as alcohol.Making excuses to minimize or deny things the abuser does.Fail to follow through on promises, including vows to treat you better.



"A lot of times, at least in my practice, the women in trauma-bonded experiences were highly capable, and this was something embarrassing and humiliating. While it may be irrational, falling prey to a trauma bond definitely doesn't mean that you're weak, says Terri Cole, therapist and author of Boundary Boss. "To be loyal to that which does not work-or worse, to a person who is toxic, exploitive, or destructive to the client, is a form of insanity." Carnes, PhD, founder of the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP), who defined the term as mental health professionals know it today. These occur when a victim bonds with someone who is destructive to them," wrote Patrick J. "Exploitive relationships create trauma bonds. In this lopsided power dynamic, the abuser maintains control through a variety of tactics that ultimately make the abused person believe that ending the relationship is a terrifying, or even impossible, prospect. If you've ever been involved in a toxic relationship that you can't (or don't want to) break free from-or if you've watched a loved one suffer in one and wondered, "why don't they just leave?"-you may find that the concept of "trauma bonding" explains a lot.Ī trauma bond is a deep emotional attachment that develops in a relationship characterized by abuse that's emotional, physical, or both.
